My name is Bijee or “B” and I blog over at Womans Reflection. It’s a place of encouragement, motivation and discussion on issues we face in dating, marriage, parenting, friendships, and everything in between. I’d like to think when you stop by you are at least given a new perspective and/or some encouragement on your journey. I am super excited Omari and Angie as me to stop by today and present some encouragement on one of my most familiar topics, Blending a Family.
I have what I call the ultimate blended family.
I am married to my best friend. We have been married for 4 years and friends for over twenty. Unlike many who have known each other that long, we were not high school sweet hearts or long time daters.
The majority of our relationship was spent as friends who came to realize we could never be happy with anyone else.
I have three children, two biological and one that was gifted to my in a very untraditional way, and I call him my nephewson; but I love them all the same.
My first child is not biologically my husbands, my nephewson is not my biological nephew, and then there is our son together.
To see us with either one of those children, outside of knowing my daughter is the one girl in the equation, and our son looks like my hubby’s clone, you probably wouldn’t know which child is which, and there are a few principles we stand by as we are continually shaping the framework for our blended family unit:
We don’t have steps in our family
I recently shared one of the main principles that guide my husband and I in establishing structure for our blended family. It is simply that we do not use the word “step” to describe any person in our family unit. It’s such a divisive word and there are already enough challenges to add another with the misuse of a simple vocabulary term.
We all need each other
When we shared with our oldest that our nephew was coming to stay with us permanently I cannot say I was surprised by her reaction. At the time that we discussed it, we validated that her feelings were real and we understood them, but we further explained that it doesn’t change the reality of the impending change on our family dynamics. As I went to explain it to her, God placed on my heart a simple phrase, “you all need each other”, and that has been the motto of our family going forward since then.
Each of us brings something special and unique to the other. In one way or another we all make each other whole, and God made no mistake putting us where he did so that he could use us each individually.
God placed us all together for reasons bigger than any one of us
I firmly believe this to be true. I don’t minimize the fact that those with a traditional family have their struggles too, but being in a blended family add some extra elements (and people) that you have to accommodate and learn to navigate. It’s all in perspective and how you chose to handle those variables that make all the difference.
Are you a blender, like me?
Let me clarify. Are you someone who has a blended family who is trying to find the ingredients to make the recipe smooth and tasty for you and yours?
I encourage you to continually put in the work to make your recipe work. What works for others may or may not work for your family. While taking suggestions from others is encouraged, comparing the outcomes of those suggested solutions is not.
I have always felt that home should be a soft place to land at the end of each day you should not come home and feel additional weight constantly.
It is to the benefit of all parties to find what works and commit to do the the work to make it work, because it won't come easy.
Men, as the head of your home, continually seek God in establishing the vision and plan for your family. Women, be mindful of the tone you are setting in your home. The mood you set, will affect each and every person that resides in your home.
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)
I encourage you both to forge together to make your family blend into a delight and light of Gods kingdom.
If you keep in mind the three principles I have listed above as you do the work, I don't doubt you can find what will work for you and yours.
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