My five-year old son wakes up in the middle of the night for his potty break. After he is done, I hear footsteps coming towards my bedroom. This isn’t surprising because he usually sneaks into my bed during the second part of the night. As he gets closer I hear heavy breathing and sniffling. Oh oh, my baby is crying. Did he have an accident? He stops at the head of the bed where my hubby and I are laying. The words that proceeded out of my little man’s mouth left me immobilized and speechless.
“Daddy, you are in my spot!”
Oh My Flipping’ Goodness! Did he just say that? My heart begins to beat fast in anticipation of my husband’s response. My boyfriend has come to claim a space that does not belong to him. Was this my fault? All the nights I allowed him to snuggle up next to me begins to playback in my mind. This would have been a great time to say something, however I said absolutely nothing in astonishment.
“Daddy, you are in my spot.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Mommy told me that was my spot.”
This is absolutely going downhill. I’m taking deep breaths. My boyfriend is bawling. My husband is getting out of bed. The dialogue continues:
“This is not your room and not your bed”
“But you’re in my spot, Daddy”
“Let’s go into your room because you need a break”
My Honey escorts my little Honey Bear into his room. He comes back into our bed and sleeps on one side. I’m flabbergasted. The next few minutes were filled with crying from my baby, disappointment from my big baby, and sadness from yours truly. My two loves are hurt and it is up to me to restore order.
Here are five tips to manage the relationship with your husband and boyfriend:
1) Define Roles
As a wife, the relationship with my husband is top priority. He is the head of household and we are partners in this journey called life. Our love created my son. As a mom, I am to nurture and protect him. My son should not be in competition with my husband.
2) Establish Boundaries
Clear explanations of roles allow me to see when certain comments or actions are out of order. Everyone has his or her own space. Yes, our kids sleep in our bed sometimes, however it is not their bed.
3) Just Say No
This can be so hard for mommies. Kids can smell weakness. They know “no” means “yes” after the fourth attempt. The key is to say no and reinforce it. Even if you have to start in your child’s room and then go to your bedroom afterwards. Do not let your bedroom be their second bedroom because it is NOT. Your bedroom is your sanctuary.
4) Initiate Play Date
Everyone wants time with Mama! So, make it a date. Spend time with your spouse to reinforce your commitment to him. Set aside a weekly time to bask in each other’s presence in a loving way. Also, make time to play with your son so he knows that you haven’t forgotten about him. You can build a Lego car, watch a movie together, or play tag.
5) Plan Family Time
At the end of the day we are all family. Reinforce family values by engaging in activities that involve everyone. Cooking, playing board games, or even planning a bike ride to the park together will give your hubby and child the chance to hang out which will muster up happy emotions.
Sandra Roach is an author, engineer, life coach, teacher, and zumba instructor. Most importantly, she is a loving wife of twelve years and a mother of two beautiful children. Coach Roach assists clients in balancing professional and personal life by means of setting goals, tracking progress, and celebrating success. We all have choices in life, so choose to be ExtraOrdinary.