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Have you ever wondered why your marriage is struggling in the area of “roles”…like you can’t seem to get a grip on actually being who God called each of you to be?  I know I’ve struggled MANY times with being the Wife my Husband needs me to be, and not just the Wife I feel like being.  And one of the things that has, and continues to help me,  is acknowledging my actual NEED for God to help me in this role called “Wife”, and that I needed to understand what HE expected and commanded of me to function appropriately in this role.   I had to surrender and let God REALLY “deal with me”, to help me honor Him as a Wife.  Furthermore, I also had to let God “deal with” my Husband, fully understanding that He NEVER called me to “fix him” to be just right for me.

I recently watched a video skit on YouTube called “The Fall”, by Preston and Jackie Hill Perry that really blew my mind.  I’m not a poet, but if I were I would want to be a lyricist like them.  They spoke so eloquently graphic about this very topic…being exactly who God created you to be in your marriage…as Husband…as Wife.  And they broke down so vividly for us the sheer tragedy life becomes when either of us don’t assume our rightful, God-ordained positions.   One of my take aways from that video was this…if Husbands and Wives would realign…readjust…and recalibrate ourselves to stand ON the Word of God, and IN the positions God created for us, THEN and only then will things change for the better in our marriages.  After watching, I was left with this gripping notion…life and society has blurred the lines and clouded our vision to stand incorrectly in marriage.  Women have chosen to STAND UP in order to be “Boss Ladies” who don’t need a Man to tell us what to do…”cause we got this”…Right?!  And likewise, Men have chosen to STAND DOWN and let her take the lead in order to not ruffle feathers, argue, or fight…”cause don’t nobody wanna hear all that”…Right?!  WRONG!!!  That’s not what God said…that’s not what God ordained!

My challenge to you is to truly study Ephesians 5:21-33, our biblical “User Manual” as it pertains to Who God called us to be in Marriage, paying particular attention to verses 21 and 33.  As you spend time with God, ask the Holy Spirit to “deal with you” on how these verses pertain to you and your marriage.  When you look at verse 21 ask yourself, what is God asking of me when He commands me to “submit to one another…my Husband…my Wife…out of reverence to Christ”?  What does that look like…what does that feel like?  And then look at verse 33, and ask yourself Husbands, Is God honored by the way I LOVE my Wife, or do I need to step up my game?  Wives, read verse 33…every sing day…and ask yourself, Is God pleased with how I RESPECT my Husband, or do I need to step back just a bit and pull it together?    If there are changes that need to be made, pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you in your words and your actions toward each other.  Remember that marriage is a daily choice, just as Christ challenges us to pick up our cross and carry it each and every day.  Marriage, like the cross, isn’t easy, but every single day you chose to honor God, marriage is WORTH IT!!!  I challenge you Husbands…STAND UP!  And I challenge you Wives…PLEASE…STAND DOWN! 


Lisa A. McCraney has been married to her Husband Shawn for 14 years, and is the mother of 3 children.  She holds a Masters Degree in Community Counseling, and has been a Licensed Clinical Counselor with the State of Ohio since 2006.  Lisa is currently developing a Nonprofit Counseling Service, Healing Hearts Counseling & Consultation Services, which offers free counseling services to those seeking help and healing.  She and her Husband are advocate for marriage and believe in mentoring and even couseling other couples in their journeys to live and love in marriage.  Lisa can be contacted via phone at (216) 220-9825, or via email at  You can also visit the Healing Hearts website at to get more information.

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