I was asked to write a blog by my friends Omari and Angela Souza about marriage most recently. When asked, I was both honored and intimidated by the offer at the same time! You see, I've been married to my "perfect" husband going on 17 years and I'm perfect too...YES, I called us perfect... I don't mean that my husband and I are without any of the flaws that come with dwelling in this flesh, Romans 7:18, but what I actually mean is that we are made whole through our salvation! This perfection is what we have received by confessing that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior! Roman's 10:9-10. Please understand that salvation is not only important if we want to make it to heaven, but it's critical in order to establish and maintain the kind of marriage that God intended.
The reason that I say this is because had it not been for Christ at the very center of our marriage....In my Marvin Sapp voice... "We never would have made it!!! Loll! That's very simply putting it, however, we really wouldn't have made it past the Honeymoon Phase of our marriage! You know, that phase when you feel as if you want to run through the daisies towards your husband every time you see him coming home from work....Or that phase when your hubby wants to sweep you up in his arms and carry you to bed every night after showering you with words of affirmation and thoughtful gifts or acts of service. Yeah, I know what you're thinking...that time period is VERY short lived in any marriage! Well, we are in agreement...that phase was short lived and in some ways nonexistent in my own Marriage...here's my story.
On July 18, 1998, Dwight and I entered into holy matrimony and as a result of being high school sweethearts for the previous 9 years, WE WERE READY, or so we thought! The first few years were pretty good, we had a few flaws, even some we didn't recognize...but things were good. The best thing about that time period was receiving our salvation a month after we got married. However, by year 4...there were problems brewing within the undercurrent of our relationship. The devil had been watching and our flesh was not in check! The Bible says that, "The devil roams about, like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour!” 1 Peter 5:8. As a result, Dwight stayed busy and got into trouble, (the devil attacked his physical) and I withdrew, developed an attitude with a razor sharp tongue to go with it, (the devil attacked my mind). As a result of it all, over the next several years, we experienced several issues in our marriage. In fact, all of the issues we experienced during that time period qualified as number 1 reasons for divorce.
You see... we had allowed the flame that burned during the Honeymoon phase of our marriage to flicker, blow out and WE even poured water over the wick through our actions and words towards one another. In other words, we had entered into an extremely dark place in our marriage and neither of us could see our way out. We had forgotten to water the grass in our own yards, we weren't speaking each other’s love language (Read Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages for Marriage) and most importantly, God was no longer at our center. Instead, our center was filled with work, our children, and our own stubborn desires. Our marriage was crashing and burning! We were at a loss, we had both built different kinds of walls and we felt hopeless. It was ALL bad! How did we get through it you ask??? Well, we put the Honey back in Honeymoon!
Remember, that I said earlier, when things were good, God was our center...When things got bad, it was because we had replaced God with "stuff”! We both realized that God IS (Omnipotent) the Honey in our Honeymoon. The Lord's word says, "Oh taste and see that the Lord is good!" Psalms 34:8. We had to return to our first love, the one who allowed my husband to search me out and take me as his wife. “A man that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing!” Proverbs 18:22 and “What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder!” Mark 10:9. God is the first cord in the three strand cord of our marriage, but our three cords became two, they were no longer braided. Our cord had been twisted… in more ways than one and therefore, it came a loose very easily, Ecclesiastes 4:12.
As a result of the revelation that God was no longer the center of our marriage, we earnestly sought after him. His word says, "Seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be open to you!” That is exactly what we did. We BOTH reestablished our relationship with the Lord God. As we grew closer to God, we grew closer to one another. As a result, our marriage is now a sweet savor unto the Lord... Most of the time! ;-) However, in hind sight, we are thankful because trials are for the perfecting of the Saints. We stood in the fire, but like the story of the three Hebrew boys, God was there with us…and we came out unscathed. The Lord is the Potter and we are the Clay... All the while, he was molding us to be more like him. As a result, we have Agape love present in our marriage, which is the Lord's unconditional love, Corinthians 13:1-14.
Today, my marriage is better, because we are striving to keep the Honey/God in the Honeymoon, our marriage. We do this by keeping God as our center through reading the Bible, fasting, praying together and viewing each other the way God intended....including those days when we are both unlovable to the flesh. Last but not least, communication done respectfully and telling the truth in love, works wonders. Intimacy that begins OUTSIDE the bedroom daily and Physical Intimacy with your love a minimum of three times a week, is LITERALLY a miracle for marriages!:-)
With ALL of that said, I hope that your marriages are blessed and that my words have been a blessing to you. Please visit our class, "Keeping the Honey in Honeymoon" at New Community Bible Fellowship next fall~2015 at 11AM on Sunday's. In the meantime, Peace, Love, Blessings and Happiness to you and in your marriages!
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